The challenge of errors and mistakes

Of all the challenges we each face, the biggest challenge to overcome is correcting the errors or mistakes we’ve each made in life. If you happen to be the sort of person that has never made a mistake then this column will not have much meaning. I assume to you, it will be just an interesting opinion that was written for everyone else. Self realization can be a difficult challenge in and of itself. Admitting our short comings is not the type of thing we grow up having conversations about. You will not attend a conference or a workshop sponsored by your employer the helps individuals to talk about their mistakes. Thus the difficulty at hand is how we deal with our errors-or the wrong decisions we’ve made.
For the record, there are some organizations that talk about mistakes and issues individuals face but these are all confidential settings and those sponsoring organizations are groups like AA which is the biggest that comes to my mind. For those that have never made a mistake, it is easy to judge individuals who would attend such a group and consider those participating to be a sub-type that doesn’t comparing to you. The Bible has some great advice for those willing to step up to the challenge and over overcome their individual mistakes. I personally have always been challenged with the Bible recommendation to remember that any fault I see another person facing, that could just as easy be me. When you realize that the only difference between you and others is the answers we accepted or gave this is a start. I have shared with individuals many times in counseling conferences that I understand what drugs are and when I was asked if I wanted any I always said no. That decision doesn’t make me any better then those that said yes, but my answer provided me greater opportunity instead of limiting my options because of my decision. Remembering that the situation we witness others in could just as easily by yourself creates a sense of understanding and a taste of mercy that makes you want to share it with others.
The next step in correcting our errors and mistakes is to learn from those situations. The desire to experience mercy and understanding is something most folks don’t have any problem with requesting. We want judges in district and circuit courts to dismiss our tickets and to forgive or mistakes. We want teachers and professors allow us to turn our papers in late and not on time. We want our parents to help us, and if they punish us, we want them to change the discipline after we serves some of our “time out”. Forgiveness once, we can easily agree with as a good practice but what about request, 3, 4, and 5? If we are continuing to repeat these types of moments, it’s pretty clear that we are not learning from our mistakes how to correct them; we are only learning to keep asking for another chance.
Correcting the errors in choices we’ve made or decisions we elected are neither always easy nor fun. One thing is for certain. If we remember and learn as we go we are miles ahead in reaching the ultimate destination and Jesus is a great friend for the journey.

Until then

The Art of Conversation

The value of conversation could almost be considered a lost practice today in this age of emails, voice mail, text messages, and instant messages. Many things are changing around us. There was a time individuals had to pick up the mail everyday from the post office if you expected to receive your bills and more especially receive payroll checks or maybe benefits from the government. Well those days are almost gone as companies use direct deposit to pay employees; even the government uses debit and credit card systems for benefits. Those monthly bills that once grew into a stack on desk and tables in our homes have been replaced by green friendly billing. Who imagined that we would go to an inbox and not a mail box to receive monthly statements and invoices? Even more imagination would have been needed thinking that just 20 years ago we would be paying our bills on-line from internet banking systems much less just going to individual website and placing our personal and sensitive information out there in the air waves of the untamed internet?
Lots of changes have been occurring. I’m not saying that any of these mentioned and bad or not useful, I’m only saying “wow, things are really different from just a few years ago and the pace of new arrivals in methods and techniques are at flood stage.” There is one art that we must recapture and that is the art of conversation. When I think about the problems that are faced by some families and individuals it is easy to ask the question have you spoken with anyone about this? The shock is in the answer that most have not talked with anyone about possible answers or solutions and thus the art of conversation and the value of listening and observing others is slipping quickly from a practice that is fundamental to interpersonal development.
Having helped and worked with individuals facing the issue of drug abuse, listening is vital to hearing the truth, and for many individuals finding folks to just talk—yes, small talk is a difficult task. In our pace as movers and shakers it is sad to see folks not willing to spend any length of time in just hearing someone out, or listening to their position on a subject. I would encourage everyone to find someone to talk with, someone to express ideas to, and someone to share moments with that build and strengthen relationship, all because of time shared talking.
It could be that you are reading this column and thinking, I don’t know anyone to just sit and talk with. Could be you have discovered a silent period in your life where no one is engaging you in questions which makes for a guaranteed time of loneliness and quite. I would suggest there is a friend who listens well. I’ve discovered in Jesus Christ that someone. Not only does he listen well but He speaks back in profound ways that make a real impression and sometimes shake me to my inner core. The art of conversation is a treasure that needs to be recaptured in our lives and if you have no one to talk with please allow me to recommend my friend Jesus. You will discover strength and courage from sharing and listening, give it a try today.

Until then

Thinking before the fact

Of all the personal struggles any individual will ever face is the surprise announcement that you have been terminated from your employment. For those who have experienced this moment in life, even if you had written warning and verbal acknowledgements regarding performance or actions, that single moment is still a shock and immediate setback. The bigger self-attack is that unexpected office meeting where you had no fore warning or hint of the ambush you were walking into. There are many situations we will naturally bump into throughout life that we don’t need to have pop up events to keep us always hopping around life as a game of hopscotch.
While you are considering what you might do with the release of such news as “you’re fired” the first I advice is to practice this moment before it happens. I know this may sound a bit out of the norm but it is really good advice to be prepared. Rehearsing responses to various types of possible situations is a great way to hear what you’re thinking aloud and a great way to practice what you should say even when you’d like to just sound off and say what you are feeling at the moment. At the outset, that sounds like good advice too. It’s only when you stop and think about the later impact of just saying what you think when you realize that most of the time “running off at the mouth” is never good. I have a full list of people, places and comments that many wish they had never said, and wish they could take back from the ear memory of those that heard.
Best advice one could ear hear today might be from President Abraham Lincoln, when he said, “better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”. I smile when I quote that to myself often, because I know of things I wish I would not have said, but did. Learning to listen and thinking (practicing) before you speak is a great beginning to handling situations that just pop up in life. Death is a greeting of life that hands surprises. If we thinking about the moment of death before it arrives we can be prepared, no matter the hour. Why not have discussions with a funeral director sharing your wishes so others can find you’re planning as the perfect answer for their unexpected announcement of your death? One thing that I can share is that if you begin with this type of conversation now, you will more than likely discover the answers you are looking for through mature listening, thinking and planning.
So you have a job loss tomorrow when you arrive at work. You are unprepared and have made no thought about tomorrow, what’s next? Why not let your answer be I’m not totally ready, but because I’ve thought about this before, I am able to lower the lingering affect by preparation.
I often hear folks say, I’m not sure what I need to do about a relationship with Jesus Christ. They plan to do something someday, but do nothing in the mean time except to say, I’m planning. Additional advice for being prepared for life begins with a personal conversation with Jesus. You don’t have to invite Him into your heart during the first conversation but if you listen and take the beginning step or an additional step now, you will be at least one step closer to the perfect final destination.

Until then

Questions are a difficult question to ask

Questions are a most difficult question to ask. Sorry I had to have just a little play on words. Asking someone to re-explain something they have just said and presented is intimidating for many folks. Questions that are asked in a probing way to discover information can certainly be a challenge for both the individual asking the question and the person providing the answer and explanation. As a child before one has developed the skill of speech adults, brothers and sisters asked little ones questions and we accept a head shake one-way or another as the provided answer. With personal growth and maturity, as adults, we look at others and expect them to be able deliver an answer with specific details that in essence brings our question to a conclusion.
In the Bible there are many examples about questions. Brothers James and John asked if they could sit on the right hand of the Father. That was a bold question! Other Bible questions include the question of who sinned in probing the wonderment of why one might not be perfect in everyway. Now that is a question folks still ask today when looking at others and wanting to place blame for one reason or another. There are many examples of questions not asked in the Bible that are presented in such a way that require us to develop a pattern for research in our wondering. Those types of questions also require a growing relationship with the source of help when seeking answers. If you are a student writing a thesis in high school or a undergraduate student writing a position paper you will need to develop a relationship with the library. That will need to be a growing relationship too. We lead first and second grade students into the library for the first times in their lives to begin their relationship by introducing them to that quiet place. Later we show them how to find resources and we explain the various categories and how things are shelved by topic, and author. We hope that these steps and assistance will create inside of every child a love for learning and the courage to go and seek out answers and experience things through reading, looking and listening.
I wish I could give myself credit for the next statement I’m about to share but I cannot. I wish I could write who or where I was when I first heard the statement but I can’t recall either. I’ve quoted this statement as advice to others for years. I’ve shared it with many as encouragement and today is marked as just one more opportunity. If we could spring forward in our lives 20 years we will discover that the we will be the same person then that we are today with four exceptions. Four things that will make a difference are: 1) The books we read; 2) The places we go; 3) The experiences we have;4) The people we meet; The great idea behind this thought is that at any age we can begin the process of becoming different from just these consideration. How about asking for a recommendation of a good book, or asking a question about a location to visit from a trusted source? How about asking a friend a question to share about an experience that has changed their life and how about asking someone to sit and talk even if you’ve never met them before?
There is a lot to discover if we would only be willing to step outside of our world and be willing to see what is outside of what we know currently. In a relationship with Jesus Christ I’ve discovered the opportunity to really be challenged is up to me.

Until then